summing up

oh no, i’m so unproductive today…

finished 2 tutorials…ya i did say i was unproductive…
the 2 tutorials that i finish is not really that difficult (or long)…

wasted the morning on some facebook application (again!), i need to bang wall…
my lack of will is exasperating…

abbie bought me my valentine flower today…lol…and he still finds it ex… sighh
too lazy to put photos up…maybe tomorrow…

dug up some old piano scores for my ex-tutee…haha, wondering if i should photocopy them for him to keep rather than lend? anyway very dusty! so maybe should photocopy after all…

not sure what to print also…i’m only printing my favourites…
that’s also a problem….scully our music taste clash, = throw away scores…
-.-

anyway no time to worry about that…mid terms coming up soon…time to mug mug mug…
lalala, i’m such a loser mugger toad!

nevermind, i will get a cap that non-mugger toads are envious of! (with a gazillion pounds of luck, or die trying…whatever)
*****
earlier, i had dinner with abbie at a nearby hawker centre…

i think i saw my ex’s best friend, sherman…

dunno, just had the feeling that it was him…and he had an earring on his left ear…i think sherman had it too…

1 way to confirm is to take off his shirt to see if he’s got a pair of wings on his back…
no i’m not kidding…he has a pair of tattooed wings on his shoulder blades…

anyway seeing him had the past creeping back on me…
haha, i remembered screwing up my endless rain piano solo in front of a (quite important) crowd with my ex’s band (sherman was part of it)….

and it’s not just screwing up a little…it was a major screw up…so much so that the crowd turned silent…and i wanted to run off stage, but i couldn’t coz i needed to finish the piece…i was mortified and traumatised…lol, apparently i’m just not made for performing..or plain lousy…maybe both…

talking about piano, abbie told me yesterday that he wants to learn piano from me…i think it’s because i said that he claimed he wanted to learn violin (from his friend) like a year ago…and up till now, i’ve yet to see him own 1/2 a violin…

i think he came up with an excuse that his dad didn’t want to buy him a violin or something like that…now that he’s working, should have some savings…so that’s not really an excuse…doubt he’s keen on learning piano anyway…what’s the point…

no instrument+ no scores+ no teacher + no exams + no intention of long term commitment = no learning :X

certain things can be self taught…and self learning requires at least an instrument and scores..otherwise, there’s no learning…thinking about learning piano and/or violin doesn’t bring you any closer to achieving it…

and without exams and a teacher, you only get this far…unless you’re a prodigy…lol, even prodigy needs passion de…they just dont become good in something that they hate… :/

i know abbie likes to mimic the vigour of playing the piano like a pro, probably that’s all that he likes about piano… =_=

relieved

wasted more money on shares book… =_=

no choice, our teacher told us to do a presentation on it…

we muz select a company of our choice and present to the class why it is a good investment…
me and sissypoo was like saying how the shares book kinda resemble the punter’s guide…

yuck

i think this sem my group is pretty ok…lucky lucky…well not that i have geniuses in my group or what…i don’t really think much of them anyway…cuz team work isn’t an incentive for someone who is really smart…

the groups that i have care about the work…i think that’s the most important…i think i can click with some of them quite well…good already…considering that i’m usually off the frequency…
*****

ended my tuition assignment today and i’m so relieved…well not exactly overjoyed hmm coz my tutee is not bad haha…gonna miss that bugger…but anyhow i’m just relieved that i can study my own work…and it’s not the last time i’ll be seeing him…still need to pass him some piano scores…

anyway, his dad wasn’t overjoyed at my sudden departure…of course, what was i thinking…

well aside from doing the right thing (which is resigning when i think i can’t keep up my performance…as compared to other people that i know…that just go there and sit, take questions home and forget all about it), i’m still being blamed for being irresponsible coz i’m leaving my tutee in a lurch when his exams are coming…

did try to mitigate that one….coz i waited…for his c.a. to be over…and there was no c.a. in the end…thought since he’s not gonna have his c.a, it wouldn’t be so bad if i dropped him…but apparently being stranded without a tutor isn’t their cup of tea…and soooo, i found a friend who’s willing to replace me…haha i’m really lucky…

i hope this absolves me from all blame…well not all, maybe most…

went to eat at sakae sushi with sissypoo for dinner…man their interactive menu really pisses me off…to think that i was so impressed with their ingenious concept of utilizing technology to help them do their business…

apparently the interactive menu is no more than just a farce ( i always have to flag down a someone to ask about my order, it takes eons – i’ve tried waiting…and it just a plain waste of my time (and theirs)…they could have made more money if they served me faster and i finshed eating sooner…gt plenty of people queuing outside…haha

think this is another case of sunk cost...the lcds are just awaiting depreciation…lalala…

my new phone sock

and another investment book

well it covers the general theory behind a worthwhile investment, focus on growth i think…read 30% of it…not very interesting…prefer harry potter…nevermind =_=

rationalizing my antisocial behavior

…

apparently, sleeping too early has its pros and cons…

went right to bed after vday…

the meal at dian xiao er was pretty good (photos with abbie) but quite ex also…came up to about 80…

maybe i shouldn’t have ordered the buddha soup…i mean it was good la, but it costs about 30…and for a soup to be 30, i expected more than just a good soup…next time just stick to the soup of the day =_=

overall quite good even though we ate only 3 dishes…it was abit too much already (for 2), maybe just nice for 3 pple…and it could have been better if i wasn’t having a migraine….feeling sick in the midst of good food is just…sickening…

had a chat with abbie after that and i realised that he’s easily distracted by little things…
by the cars, fiddling with his shoes, humming to himself….it’s really hard to get his attention…am i really that boring? sheeesh…

actually v day was great…nearly ruined by a couple of things…good thing abbie was there…good old abbie… put my frantic mind to rest…esp regarding the results and migraine…don’t know what i’m gonna do without him =_=

haven’t really recovered from the bad results…well perhaps i’m being too paranoid (but there is a cause) …there’s nothing else i can do except to try to work harder on this one…

not seeing abbie this saturday cuz he’s got something on…how sad…
but actually i have tuition also…so…nevermind…

there’s a pri sch gathering at city hall this sat and a secondary sch gathering at my friend’s place for steamboat on sun…but i’m not going to show up for both…i know it doesn’t take much to just fork out a little bit of time for my friends…

maybe i’m just too cynical…because what i do (like going to the gatherings) have no impact on them…but what i do (like shelling out my time for these gatherings) have a direct impact on me…like the things that i could have done…no really…

and given my results…i think i should not go anywhere at all…just stay at home and remain a stupid depressed mugger toad…and no it’s not because i’m anti-social or whatever…ok, don’t bug me on this one…i Want to go out…but what’s the point when my mind is gonna be somewhere else…

depressed

happy valentine’s day!

not a very happy day for me – as of now…not sure if it’ll be better later, but i’ll get to see abbie…so that’s the good part…

first blow of the day, i scored 2.5/6 for my organizational behavior quiz…i swayed ok…almost fainted…lol…and developed a migraine (i’m still having it now)

that’s like the lowest score i’ve ever had for quizzes …and failed somemore…
well i looked around and my friend who is sitting beside me got 5.5/6 omg =_= but someone else sitting in front of me got 3…

still, i was below average…complained to another friend and she said she got 2/6 which is like .5 lesser…ok so perhaps i complained to the wrong person :/

and the only reason why i didn’t faint or freak out this afternoon was because our teacher said that she will exclude the worst score when compiling the marks…

came home and looked at the quiz again and i saw that i had 3 ticks and 1 circle on a half completed answer….since the half completed one is likely to be the .5 marks, the teacher probably miscalculated…should be 3.5/6 then…

sooo, is it a consolation?

no

2.5 or 3.5, i think this should be the worst…it will not happen again – i hope…

i really suck at management…maybe i should start aiming for a B…this rate can’t get A, can i maintain my cap this sem…looks like i’m screwed.

now i’m having this painful migraine…it didn’t disappear after my nap…and feeling quite nauseous at the moment…
argh…

irritated

omg the flower dieded in the fridge :’(
i went to check on it just now and 1 side of it turned brown…

zzz

first the bag, now the flowers…think it’s a bad omen lor…argh

then the finance lecturer is another one pissing me off…
ya i did say he was shuai…but so what, he is so unfriendly and stuckup lor…never even bother to reply my email =_=

i bought this stupid international version of the textbook and i can’t find the relevant page for the tutorials lor…i mean the pages that he posted online were meant for another version…

i emailed him to ask if he can post the tutorials online or provide the page number for the int’l version and he bo hieu me…kns..

i mean, i can borrow the textbook from the lib, but super mafan…
probably he thought about that too, which is why he never post up tutorials…i can get them from the lib myself…

but i bought the textbook liao! that is the whole point…
and even if i can get from the lib, he should still reply my email and ask me to borrow from lib and stop being so lazy…

but he didn’t even bother…argh…stupid sai…hate him -.-

gearing up for vday

warning: pointless post ahead

i’m posting up my vday stuff cuz abbie had already seen it (we bought the materials together) so there’s no point with-holding the stuff until after vday…

some pre-planning, theme = beach

materials such as background, clay, pebbles are bought from daiso
the frame was removed earlier – i made it reddish pink

sorry, no transition from beginning to completion..it’s completed already, set to dry…

i’m bo liao to take pics of my creation, but not bo liao enough to take step by step…

tied the pic to the frame…

it doesn’t look very nice as nice as i want it to look…
i should have bought some black glass pebbles…got stuck with a stupid translucent heart that doesn’t make an impression…

it looks slightly better when there’s some light on it… *shrug*

stuck with other misc items such as
- shells (picked those with abbie @ changi beach, i rem cuz i’ve never been to changi beach before)
- little durians dunno-what-u-call-it (picked those with abbie @ east coast, can’t rem when)
- pink star = remains of my earrings

more durians and earrings…i had a fun time poking them into the clay

misc stuff from daiso

the reverse side, ugly to the max…but who cares…

v-day card

bag to put the stuff…

i very de pissed…dunno who itchy finger and itchy backside went to test pen on my bag…
cost money de ok…scribble like machiam on rough paper…omg, see already gek sai -.-ll

suspect it’s either sissypoo or mum…
sissypoo denied…so must be mum…kns

flower sleeping safely in the fridge…

vday item check
card check
flowers check

dunno what else i’m missin out…maybe love? (ironically true-er than you think)
*scowl*

just tonight, i demanded a v day card from abbie and he say he no time coz he working *roll eyes*
anyway treating me to dian xiao er already…and he say i cannot get angry at him cuz it’s his birthday today…and it is his wish that i don’t ruin his birthday…

so i will have to make do without a card…

sucker, draw 1 card will die…

*****
other updates..

Today I:

- Applied an internship, not hopeful

- Applied for CPF investment account

- Skipped Finance lecture to go to the bank to apply for the account (cuz bank closes at 4:30) only to realize that the finance lect wun be webcasted afterall…stupid me…apparently the last webcasted lect was a 1 time thing for those who had to go home (presumably malaysia/indonesia or some neighboring countries) for cny and miss the lect…
- managed to read thru 60% of the finance notes so far (heng can understand), but uncertain if the next 40% will go well…

- finished my case study ppt…it took me 1 freaking evening!

- drafted another ppt for another presentation…oh gawd, will be working on it tomorrow…so many freaking ppts…

- told my tutee that i was dropping him (told him ytd actually), and i was immensely relieved after that…no more struggling with maths revision (it’s been almost a decade since i took O lvls ok)…now can focus more on my studies and tutorials…No don’t call me mugger toad, you stupid mugger toad!

high on caffeine

yucks, today i drank a can of coffee for breakfast (to fill my stomach)…
apparently it’s a stupid idea cuz i plan to have an afternoon nap (at this time), but i can’t seem to fall asleep…

plenty of things to do this week, but i just feel kinda lazy…ugh

anyway here’s some overdue xmas pics…finally got abbie to send them to me

me with santa, i’m facing a man who’s taking pics with a polaroid camera while santa’s looking at abbie…blah

me with faith

gonna post up my v-day present real soon (after v day i think)…

celebrated abbie’s birthday last saturday…brought him to sakae sushi…it’s his 1st time there (my 2nd)…never take any photos…cuz busy gobbling down the food and dessert….

bought him an mp3 as well… a cheap one…dunno leh, i wanted to buy him the creative zen stone plus (also kinda cheap ya =_=) but he chose something less than 1/2 that price….

some good news today…
i just realised that there’s webcast for another 2 modules that i’m taking…that means i can attend all my lectures at home..haha sweet…this cut down my must-attend lessons in school (inclusive of all non-webcasted lects, seminars and tutorials) from 13 hours to just 9 hours a week…

yay…

of course projects is another story….i still need to come to school/stay in school for projects…

anyway before i end, i just wanna comment on the edison chen scandal…they are soooo messed up…
kinda dejavu…like the tammy nyp incident…

guess such moments should be stored (safely) in the memory…i mean as in brain memories…not computer memory or memories of other kind….no need to expose urself to such needless risk…

and i prefer my female celebrities to be dressed up and looking glam..well not that they look ugly when they’re not dressed…it’s just like argh =_= there goes the image…

short update

hiiyya, been wasting a lot of time recently…

yesterday i spent a couple of hours surfing the net for a good place to bring abbie on his birthday…
apparently all the places that i wanna bring him to didn’t have a better rating than pariss…so it kinda seemed like we’re going back there…

but abbie told me that he think go there eat = waste money…prefer practical stuff…
wth =_=

so i’m bringing him to buy an mp3 instead….blah, should have said so earlier…

only did 1 ppt presentation yesterday morning..omg unproductive!!!
had a terrible migraine last night….so just nua for the rest of the night

i have a comprehensive to-do list for the next few weeks…
will blog about it soon

-______-

yess, it’s finally the eve of new year…
looking forward to wearing my new dress tomorrow even though i’m not really looking forward to everything else related to cny…

been feeling abit depressed lately…
don’t think i’m gonna do well this sem, i don’t know…i’m just wasting time feeling depressed…
although the trauma of the interview has dissipated, the fact that i may not be able to permeate the finance sector is still bugging me….

why? coz the career office lady told me that i don’t have a cca, so it’s gonna be hard for me to work in a bank…unless i have some inside connection (which i don’t have)…
that thing aside, i’m still wondering if i shouldn’t specialise in anything…not that i can do anything about it now…coz everything is already predetermined at the start of this sem…i don’t even know why i’m thinking about this…lol

and i’ve been thinking of apply for an internship at MAS…
dunno, should be v difficult to get in…i don’t have a cca or leadership qualities…
gahh why am i wasting time deliberating on this nonsense?

even if i got in somehow, they may not want me back next time…
they demand at least a 2nd upper…i’m not sure if i can keep it within that range…*chokes*

ok enough of the mess…
there’s some stuff to look forward to…

valentine’s day and abbie’s birthday is just around the corner…
i’ve not prepared anything yet… =_=

usually i’ll give him some handmade stuff…but maybe not this sem…i’m out of ideas and energy…
need to do tutorials…ya i know i say i busy but i’m still blogging right?

dunno la, don’t ask stupid questions..

cny blues

what a hectic day…just finished tutoring…

today my tutee very funny…he having runny nose…then the snot dripped onto his text…
heng never drop on my calculator sia (coz he was using it)…otherwise i sure shriek…

group work these days also very hectic…
i don’t know why, but as opposed to the last few sems (where there’s either a lack of opinion or a lack of initiative), this sem like too much intiatives and too much opinion…can’t seem to agree on anything and we take damn long to do something lor OMG i need to bang wall and die

i’ve sort of recovered from the horrible interview incident…hmm, maybe not gonna try for banks in a while..

oh oh i received a reply asking me to volunteer to play piano for the choir, i was like What? Y__Y nooo

zun zun pick on my weakness…well it’s my fault for writing it in my resume…but i was hoping to teach some basic computer skills or maths…why piano? i out of touch for so long le, and play for a group somemore…i so buay zai…cannot one

oh ya, new year coming liao…but why do i feel so unhappy…
i have so much work piling up, and so many make up tutorials (coz all my tutorials fall on friday argh)…
make me wanna hate cny lor…haiz..the only thing left for me to look forward to is eating abalone

time to go bed, tomorrow long day ahead…